Why High-Performing Women Often Tolerate Toxic Workspaces for Far Longer Than They Should

There is a particular kind of question many high-performing women ask themselves in private:

“Why did I stay so long?”

From the outside, the answer can seem obvious. The environment was unhealthy. The leadership dismissive. The culture misaligned. The cost:

• emotional,

• physical,

• relational

  
  

increasingly clear.

And yet, many capable, intelligent, values-led women remain in toxic workspaces long past the point where something inside them is signalling this is not sustainable.

This is not because they lack insight, courage, or ambition.Often, it is precisely because of the qualities that made them high-performing in the first place.

What Do We Mean by “Toxic” — and Why It’s Often Hard to Name

Toxicity at work is not always loud or dramatic.

More often, it shows up as:

• inconsistent expectations

• subtle undermining or exclusion

• chronic overwork framed as commitment

• lack of psychological safety

• blurred boundaries disguised as flexibility

• cultures where concerns are minimised or reframed as personal weakness

For high-performing women, especially, the harm is often ambiguous enough to doubt but persistent enough to drain.

And ambiguity is where many women get stuck.

The Hidden Strengths That Become Traps

1. High standards — applied inward first

High-performing women are often deeply conscientious. They care about quality, impact, and integrity.

When something feels wrong at work, the instinct is often:

• “What can I do better?”

• “How can I adapt?”

• “Maybe I’m missing something.”

This internal focus is usually a strength. But in unhealthy systems, it can become a trap, turning structural problems into personal self-improvement projects.

Instead of questioning the environment, women question themselves.

2. A strong sense of responsibility

Many high-performing women:

• carry teams emotionally as well as operationally

• feel responsible for outcomes beyond their role

• worry about the impact of their departure on others

This sense of responsibility is often socially rewarded. But it can make leaving feel like failure, selfishness, or abandonment, even when staying is costing them dearly.

I know this personally.

There was a point in my own career where I could clearly feel the strain, emotionally and physically, yet I stayed because others depended on me, because the work mattered, because I could cope. Or at least, I believed I should.

Looking back, I can see how much I had normalised carrying far more than my share.

3. Adaptation mistaken for resilience

High-performing women are often exceptionally good at adapting.

They:

• read rooms quickly

• adjust communication styles

• anticipate risk

• smooth conflict

• carry emotional labour quietly

Over time, adaptation becomes invisible, even to the person doing it.

But constant adaptation has a cost. Research on chronic stress shows that long-term exposure to environments requiring vigilance and emotional regulation can lead to cumulative strain on the body and nervous system.

What we often call “resilience” may actually be endurance without recovery.

Why Toxic Workspaces Can Feel Especially Confusing for Women

1. The problem is rarely acknowledged openly

In many organisations, concerns raised by women are:

• minimised (“That’s just how it is”)

• reframed (“You’re taking it personally”)

• individualised (“Have you tried being more confident?”)

This makes it harder to trust one’s own perception.

When there is no clear language or validation, women often stay longer simply trying to understand what’s happening.

2. Speaking up carries real risk

Despite progress, research and lived experience show that women, particularly women in midlife, women of colour, and women in non-dominant groups, are still more likely to experience backlash for speaking up.

High-performing women are often acutely aware of this risk. They calculate carefully:

• Will this harm my credibility?

• Will I be labelled difficult?

• Will this affect future opportunities?

Silence, in this context, is not passivity. It is often a strategic survival choice.

3. Success makes it harder to leave

Paradoxically, the more capable a woman is, the harder it can be to walk away.

Success brings:

• status

• identity

• financial security

• external validation

Leaving a toxic workspace can feel like:

• throwing away achievement

• admitting something didn’t work

• starting again when you “should” be settled

Midlife can intensify this tension. There is less appetite for reinvention and more awareness of the cost of staying misaligned.

The Body Often Knows Before the Mind Is Ready

Many women don’t leave because they haven’t thought enough.

They don’t leave because they haven’t yet trusted what they feel.

Common signs include:

• tension before specific meetings

• fatigue that lifts when away from work

• replaying conversations long after they happen

• losing confidence only in one environment

• feeling relief at the thought of time off — and dread at returning

These are not failures of mindset. They are often signals of prolonged stress and misalignment.

In my own experience, it wasn’t one event that made things clear. It was the accumulation, the steady narrowing of energy, curiosity, and voice.

Clarity came slowly. And only once I stopped telling myself I should be able to cope.

Why “Just Leave” Is Not Helpful Advice

From the outside, leaving can seem like the obvious solution.

But for high-performing women, leaving often requires:

• unravelling identity

• grieving investment

• tolerating uncertainty

• trusting oneself after prolonged self-doubt

This is not a quick decision. It is a process.

And often, what women need first is not action — but space.

Space to:

• make sense of what they’ve been adapting to

• separate personal responsibility from systemic dysfunction

• rebuild trust in their own inner signals

• find language that feels accurate and self-respecting

What Actually Helps

1. Slowing the rush to decide

Clarity does not come from pressure.

It comes from:

• reflection

• nervous-system settling

• honest naming

• permission not to know yet

This is especially important for women who have spent years being decisive for others.

2. Reframing staying as information, not failure

Staying longer than you wish you had does not mean you were weak.

It often means:

• you were loyal

• you were hopeful

• you were trying to make things work

• you didn’t yet have the language or safety to leave

Understanding why you stayed is part of reclaiming agency, not judging yourself for it.

3. Reconnecting with voice — gently

Voice does not always begin with speaking out publicly.

Often it begins with:

• telling yourself the truth

• naming misalignment privately

• practising language in low-stakes ways

• remembering that your experience is valid

Voice grows in environments where it is safe to listen first.

A Gentle Closing Reflection

High-performing women do not tolerate toxic workspaces because they don’t know better.

They tolerate them because they are capable, committed, thoughtful, and deeply invested in doing things well, often at great personal cost.

If this article resonates, there is nothing you need to fix about yourself.

There may simply be something within you that has been asking — quietly — to be listened to.

In my own journey, it was only when I allowed myself that space that clarity followed, not as a dramatic decision, but as a steady return to self-trust.

That intention sits at the heart of The Empowerment Pathway program: creating a psychologically safe space where women can explore what they are sensing, develop language for it, and choose next steps from a place of clarity rather than endurance.

No urgency. No pressure. Just the quiet confidence that comes from listening inward.